I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
