are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
