I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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