I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
