No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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