We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
