Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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