hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
