I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
The air taste purple.
Randomize
