New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
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