Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Randomize
