i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
