He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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