Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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