She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
