I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
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