My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
