We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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