I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
