just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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