girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
