So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
