Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
