Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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