THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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