i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Randomize
