just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
