There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
This baby is an asshole
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
