I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
