It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
