sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
