Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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