What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
