shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
