I threw up into my coffee this morning.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
