...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
