Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
