I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
