u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
