he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
