Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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