# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
