so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
