I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
