i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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