we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
