she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Randomize
