if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
