As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I'm always down for nudity.
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