I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
