Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
