You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
