cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
